WASHINGTON—Praising the eloquence and noble character of his Democratic colleague before humbly offering a rebuttal, Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) engaged in thoughtful and enlightened debate Thursday over the merits of proposed impeachment articles brought against the president of the United States. “Allow me first to congratulate you upon your exceptional oratory and remark upon what a great honor it is to deliberate this matter with a man of such high integrity,” said Jordan, who addressed House Judiciary Committee chairman Jerry Nadler (D-NY) in measured and courtesy tones, commending civil discourse as the bedrock of a democratic society. “Although you have made some very cogent and incisive rhetorical points this morning, I must, unfortunately, submit a rejoinder in which I shall seek to elucidate what I believe to be a fallacy in your position. Despite our arrival at this occasion of discord, please know I consider you a true compatriot: a fellow truth-seeker with no interest beyond securing what is best for our great republic.” At press time, witnesses confirmed Jordan had nearly beaten Nadler to death with a cane after being set off by a remark impugning the honor of the president.