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Ashamed Meta Employee Just Tells Everyone He Works As Guard In Private Prison For Disabled Children

CHICAGO—Unable to tell the group of acquaintances how he really earns his living, Meta employee Alex Kondell reportedly stated Monday that he works as a guard in a private prison for disabled children. “I actually left Meta forever ago—yeah, I’m much happier now, ” said Kondell, who, too ashamed to admit he stills works as a Facebook software engineer, chose instead to inform the circle of people he was chatting with that he has a job “throwing food scraps through the bars of cages and screaming at handicapped children to eat.” “We got all kinds of kids incarcerated: 16-year-olds with Down syndrome, 5-year-olds paralyzed from the neck down. Yep, you bet we beat them! It’s pretty chill. I’m so glad I left big tech.” At press time, sources confirmed Kondell was consoling himself with the thought that it was really only a white lie considering the kinds of things Meta does.

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