Tuesday, April 16, 2024
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Biden’s First State Of The Union: What To Expect

President Joe Biden will deliver his first state of the union address this evening amid the ongoing coronavirus pandemic and the recent Russian invasion of Ukraine. The Onion looks at what to expect from Biden’s address to the nation.

The American people collectively referred to as “buddy boy”Republicans quickly retaking their seats after realizing they weren’t supposed to rise at mention of domestic terrorismThree to five different pronunciations of “Kyiv”Biden invites bridge restored by infrastructure bill to attend addressNancy Pelosi spacing out until she hears valuable information to commit insider tradingTwenty-six straight minutes on how marbles used to be madeMoment of silence for dead campaign promisesA break halfway through for the world premiere of the Thor: Love And Thunder trailerComplete mangling of the phrase “Let’s be crystal clear”Maybe one of these old fucks will straight up keel over and die

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