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Conservatives Criticize Local Preschool For Silencing Right-Wing Animal Voices

NEW YORK—Accusing educators of brainwashing children with a liberal agenda of barnyard sounds, conservative pundits criticized local preschool Butler Academy Monday for silencing right-wing animal voices. “Every day, our children get sent to schools just like this, and are brainwashed by antifa teachers who believe that cows, chickens, and pigs only speak one way,” said Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), who held up a picture book, flipped through the pages, and demanded to know why there wasn’t a single conservative “moo,” “baa,” or “oink” to be found. “All I see here is a bunch of chickens who are clearly part of the East Coast elite, clucking and teaching our children that the only way to make farm noises is to go to Harvard. Well, to that I say this is how real American animals talk: cock-a-doodle-doo.” At press time, conservative pundits had called a teacher from the preschool in order to shame her for only teaching left-wing shapes.

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