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Grief Psychologists Say Best Way To Cope With Death In The Family Is Dropping 50 In NBA Game

PITTSBURGH, PA—Urging suffering individuals to take concrete action to address their lingering pain, grief psychologists from Carnegie Mellon University released a study Tuesday finding that the best way to cope with a death in the family is dropping 50 points in an NBA game. “According to our data, the first stage of healing should involve hanging from the rim after a monster dunk and releasing a primal scream,” said lead researcher Gena Kennedy, conceding that while grappling with death is challenging, going 9-10 from beyond the arc can function as a potent relief valve. “We strongly urge anyone grieving a loved one to point up to the heavens after a nailing an impossible fadeaway jumper right in a defender’s face. We’ve also found that scoring the exact age of the deceased can be cathartic—even if it means intentionally missing a free throw. Joining an NBA roster and leading them to a 30-point blowout over a division rival has proven emotional benefits.” The report concluded by recommending mourners win an NBA championship to pay tribute to the deceased.

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