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‘Milwaukee Is A Great City On A Great Lake,’ Says Tom Perez Eating Digital Bratwurst During Virtual DNC Tour

MILWAUKEE—In fulfillment of a promise made to local officials, the avatar of party chair Tom Perez called Milwaukee “a great city on a great lake” and ate a digital bratwurst Thursday while leading a virtual tour of the Democratic National Convention’s host city. “I’ve been working hard to elect Democrats in 2020, but I’m glad I found time to explore everything this realistic, computer-generated simulation of Milwaukee has to offer,” a low-resolution image of Perez said as it squirted a pixelated stream of mustard onto a German-style sausage and moved through a partially rendered background that appeared to be the city’s RiverWalk. “This delicious local cuisine is really something else. I think I’ll wash it down with an ice-cold Miller Genuine Draft, made right here in Brew City. Now move your cursor over and click on the Milwaukee Art Museum to check out some 75-d.p.i. scans of paintings by Wisconsin native Georgia O’Keeffe.” At press time, Perez was reportedly attempting to reboot his tour program after a glitch trapped his avatar in the middle of Lake Michigan.

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