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Poll: Average U.S. Horse Still Prefers Carrot To Photo Of Biden

ASBURY PARK, NJ—In the latest indicator of the commander in chief’s waning popularity, a new Rasmussen poll released Monday showed that the average U.S. horse still overwhelmingly preferred a carrot to a photo of President Joe Biden. “A staggering 98 percent of American horses responded more enthusiastically to the carrot than it did to an 4-by-6 glossy of Biden,” said poll analyst Morgan Fellers, noting that within that group, almost half of the participants went so far as to huff and stomp their feet when the carrot was taken away and replaced with the two-dimensional rendering of the president. “According to these results, one in 25 U.S. horses became spooked by the very mention of Biden and ran stampeding out of their stables—that alone should set off alarm bells throughout the DNC. It’s also important to note that the president will not be able to coast on the popularity of his running mate, either, should he mount a reelection campaign: More than 60 percent of horses completely rebuffed a photo of Kamala Harris when presented with an apple core.” At press time, Biden’s favorability had reportedly skyrocketed after pollsters began burying his photo in a stack of sugar cubes.

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