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EU Honors Angela Merkel’s Tenure By Giving Her Greece

BERLIN—In a ceremony to commemorate her stepping down from her post as chancellor of Germany after 16 years, European Union officials honored Angela Merkel’s tenure Friday by giving her Greece. “We hope that the chancellor will accept the nation of Greece as a small parting gift to show our appreciation for her many years of service,” said European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen, adding that after so many years of special attention she’d shown for the Mediterranean nation, it was only right that Greece would now be hers to do whatever she wanted with. “Chancellor Merkel has helped steer the countries of the European Union through many crises during her long tenure and established herself as one of the most influential leaders of our time, and she always made sure to include Greece in her plans. From the astounding history of Athens to the hundreds of islands to years of forced austerity measures, Greece has so much to offer a retired political leader of Ms. Merkel’s stature and tastes. A country of 11 million people is of course insufficient to convey the appreciation we all have for the chancellor, but it’s our way of thanking her for everything she’s done. With this gift, we’re able to ensure that Chancellor Merkel can continue to shape Greece in her image for many years to come.” At press time, Merkel was overheard commenting to her husband that it was just like the EU to try to stick her with some cheap, ugly old thing that no one in their right mind could want.

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