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Nation Doesn’t Understand How Someone As Cool As Kyrsten Sinema Could Fight For Corporate Interests

TUCSON, AZ—Stating it “just didn’t add up,” the U.S. populace told reporters Wednesday that they didn’t understand how someone as cool as Kyrsten Sinema could fight for corporate interests. “She’s really someone who has it all—a winning personality, a killer sense of style—so I was really shocked when I found out about all the corporate donations she’s raking in,” said 34-year-old Anna Monto, a constituent of the senior senator from Arizona, who spoke on behalf of all 330 million Americans in expressing her confusion as to how someone who oozes as much charm and charisma as Sinema could turn out to be just another lapdog for big business. “If she wasn’t my senator, she would be my best friend. Anyone who’s ever seen her on TV or social media knows she’s a total bad ass. I mean, did you see those wigs? It just doesn’t make any sense. At least we still have Joe Manchin.” At press time, the nation had reached the conclusion that the pharmaceutical and medical industries must just also be really fucking cool.

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