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Sick Jen Psaki Delivers Press Briefing From Under Blanket While Watching ‘The Price Is Right’

WASHINGTON—Her face illuminated by the glow of a television, White House press secretary Jen Psaki, who tested positive for Covid-19 over the weekend, was reportedly sick and working from home Monday when she conducted a remote briefing while under a blanket and watching The Price Is Right. “Today, President Biden will be addressing world leaders in Glasgow to call for immediate action to—no, you idiot, what washing machine is $3,000?!” said Psaki, who near the end of the briefing experienced a mild coughing fit, took a sip from a thermos, and warned reporters that she would only have time for two more questions before the program returned from a commercial break for the Showcase Showdown. “Uh, anyway, negotiations continue as the president works to finalize details of his infrastructure plan, and the nine goes at the end! Put the nine at the end! Ugh. Moron. Excuse me, I’ll be right back. I just need to reheat this soup.” Psaki added that the Biden administration was working to address the global supply-chain issues that, as far as she could tell, had dramatically increased the actual retail prices of dinette tables, riding lawn mowers, and three-piece matching luggage sets.

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