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Georgia Governor Argues That Closing State’s Beaches An Attack On Citizens’ Fundamental Right To Get Wet ’N’ Wild

ATLANTA—With public health experts decrying his decision last week to reopen the state’s beaches, Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp argued Monday that any government action limiting fun in the sun would constitute an infringement upon every citizen’s fundamental right to get wet ’n’ wild. “Our forefathers fought and died to ensure future generations of Americans could enjoy certain God-given freedoms, among them the ability to head on down to the beach anytime one likes and have a splish-splashin’ good time in the waves,” said Kemp, adding that he had no doubt the American colonists’ decision to secede from Great Britain stemmed in part from concerns over whether the crown would continue to guarantee them unfettered access to sunshine, sand, and surf all summer long. “If we cannot throw on a pair of trunks, wax down our boards, and shred those waves; if we cannot slip on some shades and work on our tans; if girls in bikinis cannot play a simple game of beach volleyball in the sizzlin’ hot sun, then who are we, as a people? My God, ‘from sea to shining sea’—it’s right there in the Declaration of Independence.” Kemp went on to state that Georgia’s owners of beachfront property were exempt from his order and welcome to continue trammeling upon people’s right to enjoy the ocean.

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